Whisky Rap

There was a time when I really liked whisky. Here is a rap poem I wrote in its honour.

If you drive north from Glasgow, up the west coast of Scotland, along the top, and down the other side, visiting the distilleries in roughly the right order…

Kinclaith, Moidart
Oban, Knoydart
Inchmurrin and Nevis and Long
Where Dornoch in the east no match
For the sheer-cliff-faced Liathach
And deep Loch Torridon

Campbeltown’s bell-end of Kintyre
Hangs low along the coast
From Scotia and Springbank in the shade
To Tobermoray to drink Ledaig
Glen Shira supped by Rob Roy’s ghost
Where the Crow Road’s winding higher.

The breeze blows peat smoke over the hills
Of Ellen and Bowmore,
Fans wicker man flames on Summer Isle,
The sun sets gold beyond the Kyles
Of Bute, Lochalsh and Connalmore
The A9 up Speyside to Aberlour
Stop in Knockando for a dram or four
Balvenie, Benrhinnes and Cragganmore.

Albyne and Goyne, Skiag Bridge
Stac Pollaidh’s crusty, spiky ridge
The A894 to Calbha Mor
Craighouse on Jura and Barnhill Shore
Where Orwell wrote 1984
Eddrachillis Bay at Drumbeg
‘Of a thousand islands’ it is said
(Clouds of midges swarming round your head.)

Caol Ila distils in a beautiful spot
Eagles cause Lochranza to stop
Cause they nest almost on top of the pots.
Back to the beaten track:
The A90 to distilleries
Benriach, Rothes and Balmenach
And south-south-west from Stoer;
Glenfiddich and Glen Grant
Trotternish and Vaternish
Corkeval and Healaval
Allt-a-Vane and Daluaine
Lochy, Lossie, Lant.

For Lowland try Bladnoch,
Rosebank and Garioch
Macallan and Moray
Scalpay and Islay
Talisker for more whisky
Glen Ord and Askaig
Strathmill and Laphroaig
Tomatin and Tomintoul
Nearby on the Spey.

Longmorn and Mortlach
The Inshore Road to Wrath
Where underground at Durness;
Smoo, Dhu, Eriboll and the rest
And east again to John O’Groats
Clynelish and Pulteney with the wildcats and the boats
The water of life tastes more tame
In Brora and Brackla
Morangie and Tain

Sip Scapa by the Lingro Burn
Where Orphir Orkney pecks the sea
Last but not least, it’s Highland Park’s turn
Have a dram, you deserve it – slainte – on me!

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